we have officially lost it.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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