paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
