Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm sobbing to NWA
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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