I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
