I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
