don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
