I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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