Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
