the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
