I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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