I don't think brook has ever known best
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
