Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
