Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
