so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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