nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
