I cockslap morals
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
