Whod you bang
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
