You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Even my vagina gasped.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I FOUND THE LEGS
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
