Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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