I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
