You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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