Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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