my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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