My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
