we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
