dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
