his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm getting married
To pizza
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
