Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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