If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
soo... how was my night?
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