My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
