i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
