Sponge bath it is.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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