my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
