my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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