Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
