btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
