Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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