remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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