1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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