but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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