You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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