Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
