You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
