She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
