Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
