So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so let's talk penis.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
