I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i came on her dog
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
