I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
