I want to have your abortion
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
