I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
