I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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